Somente' solte

2010-05-03T20:47:00.002+08:00

I'm on tumblr now.

follow me:

www.megalomaniacmaine.tumblr.com

still figuring out all this shit

Cheap

2010-05-03T14:34:00.001+08:00

You know I'm not being vain.

You know what I'm saying is true.

I know you've been watching me.

You know it too.

Seriously, your rude remarks doesn't intimidate me a tiny bit.

We, in front. Can't even hear you.

I had people telling me about what you say.

So frankly, you're wasting your time.

I'm like a shield and your words are like something completely unmanageable to hit me.

And your post, is just something I stumble on.

I've forgotten about your existence for awhile.

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm only honest.

Seriously.

See, I'm not even bitching (:

I did my part so I'm done.

People have to earn to be in my life.

and you honey, you are completely out of the question.

I'm replying to whoever and whatever.

If you think it's you. Then it'll be you.

It could be just about anyone.

matters hahahehheihihohoh

2010-04-17T18:44:00.002+08:00

hahahahah

i'm sorry, i have to say this here.

really, i literally have to.

it's so funny and so contagious.

haha you're like a laughing stock.

hahahhahahhaha

hahahhahahaha

maybe who knew, you'll actually thank me for this.

ahhah noott.

hahahah

you so so fucking lame, you're so so so full of yourself.

it's so funny.

you think it's self-confident.

when really, it's like arrogant tk tentu arah.

hahahhahaha

so please, fuck yourself.

hahahhahah

ahhahahah

ahhahahahha

hahahahhahahah

critical

2010-04-16T01:00:00.004+08:00

really? can you make it that obvious that you're being such a pain in the ass to me, on purpose. that you're not being sincere.

you're only a hypocrite and not even a good one.

you're good for nothing.

you're only nice to me when you need me.

you're not a good friend. wait who am i kidding, you're not even a friend to begin with.

so seriously.

i've grown tired of your stupidity and all your lame excuses every time you get caught of saying something really really stupid.

we all know about it. we're just fucking lazy to say anything back.

you're always complaining when the truth is, you're the one making it hard for yourself.

i hate seeing you, every fucking day.

series

2010-04-11T23:00:00.001+08:00

Fahim says:

falling for someone is a great feeling, and sometimes it can be so beyond words to describe the feeling.

so why does a person could just let things beat 'em down when they know from the start it'll end up bad?

yeah.

via msn.

missed

2010-04-11T21:35:00.000+08:00

via : random tumblr.

2010-04-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

Happy 17th birthday, Fibril Farhan

dull, sustained pain

2010-04-11T00:07:00.005+08:00

i've learned now

that situation doesn't prove anything.

feeling could just been set years ago.

either the other one person knows it or not.

the only difference now.

recently, either fate or some kind of power of the universe decided to let you know.

you are the only exception

too much

2010-04-08T17:12:00.002+08:00

i am incredibly protective towards all of my friends.

i don't know why.

i'm just build that way.

so you should get the picture (:

throw up

2010-04-08T17:04:00.003+08:00

honey

i told you so

she's a bitch

but it's okay

it's okay

i am here.

maybe she did gain something.

enemies?

hahha

we'll be there

we'll be there.

focus

2010-04-08T00:37:00.002+08:00

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU.The one who turns to his friends and says, that’s her."

really, this persona that we fantasize a character of man that we think it should be, really. just don't exist.

if other girls says their boyfriend are somewhat like that. she's either a big fat liar or that he's just really good and most probably sleeping with her bestfriend.

-.-

pages

2010-04-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

sometimes i expect more from other, just because i know that i would be willing to do that much for them.

well, i used to.

you know

2010-04-04T02:19:00.002+08:00

Dear bestfriend,

I understand that my absence is completely out of the subject of actually being a 'good' friend.

I know.

I guess sometimes, things are better when you type it all out rather than just saying, texting etc etc. This probably sounds so ridiculous to you but really, this is all i got.

So here it goes.

I don't know how to pretend to be happy for people or in other word, happy at all.

Sincerely, not once I am never happy for you.

Under whatever or whoever it is, i'll always be happy and accept whatever that's keeping you happy. Therefore, I am genuinely happy for you.

Really.

I'm not in the.. best point of my life right now.

So I guess that explains my negativity views towards everything in life right now.

I guess I should move pass that.

But that's between me and myself I guess.

Anyway, I'll always love and always care about you Akim.

loves.

2010-03-29T21:39:00.001+08:00

blogspot is so dull.

i'm switching to tumblr.

2010-03-27T17:10:00.003+08:00

i have a new obsession now.

ahhahahahhaa

yes, call me lame

:D:D

marijuana

2010-03-26T00:09:00.002+08:00

i dig her hair

no joke.

your text

2010-03-25T01:22:00.005+08:00

i'm so sure of this.

i am 100% sure of this.

i don't love you for your hair, your looks nor your money.

i am completely and irrevocably inlove with your soul.

i hate keeping things long.

the rest is just for you and me.

yes you ehehe

2010-03-21T00:55:00.001+08:00

on khaled khaleda topi keleda keledek

2010-03-20T17:14:00.005+08:00

god, you're so obsessed with me.

i should get a restraining order.

ehehehhahahahehhehihohohohoh

love you lah.

khaleda says:

and the name begin with azim of course he's a puss

hahaha

i miss you

hm.

Sharmaine A says:

YES. finally you get it

hahaha

well me too love

eh listen to this new track from kid cudi feat. david guetta, memories. )

like fuck, layan. i could masterbate

khaleda says:

hahahha

yeah yeah

lter ah

i've been listening to ths emo crap lagu indon

cam sedih ah

and oh i think i pernah dgr kot kat V channel

Sharmaine A says:

hahahhahha

i seee

dont listen to crappy sad music that makes you kill yourself

khaleda says:

haha

i dont feel like killing myself just feeling the invisible pain

Sharmaine A says:

invisible pain?!!! what fuck? seee emo song does this to you

we're so bored.

i got that fire

2010-03-19T23:04:00.001+08:00

"it's getting late but he don't mind."

yeah eef you.

i am so exhausted

2010-03-19T02:18:00.003+08:00

to be frank, i didn't do anything that is supposed to be this tiring.
but somehow, i'm just this tired.
*sighs.

maybe all this tiredness comes from the excessive thinking that i've been doing lately.
yeah sharmaine, right. stop talking cock.
*sigh

whatever it is.
i'm way beyond tired
physically and mentally.
it's fuck amazing that i'm still functioning at this point.

get what i mean?

-.- nevermind.

anyway, went to OU today.
with azim samir fikri and them girls from usj12.
it was fun.

i was undecided to go at first.
but samir insisted that i come.
well there's a story behind that hahha
he wanted me to see this girl that he has a thing with
well samir, (Y) she's eef pretty.
so well done ahhaa

well, we wanted to watch Remember Me.
ops, i mean 'I'.
so we did, it was somehow sad.
i'll tell you this though, you can put Robert Pattinson in whatever shitty role/character/movie/position but i would always say that he is that fuck hot.
yes, even that gay movie he was in hahahahhaha

either he sparkle or not.
i'd take him either way ahhaha
yes, i'm that into him.
(:L hahahhaha

wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhateverrrrr it is, before i pass out on my keyboard.
i should probably go to sleep.
so nights
adgfjierwolkj :D:(:p -..-

f you, really.

2010-03-18T01:43:00.001+08:00

go read ' delusional, that's why' all over again honey.

it seems like someone doesnt get the fucking picture.

wrong time to mess with me, bitches.
bad move.
(:

don't know what to do don't know what to do

2010-03-18T00:46:00.001+08:00

Just when you walk out that door again.
Everything seems meaningless again.

It's like a fucking routine.
I'm getting bored of it now.

you dig

2010-03-16T12:16:00.000+08:00

i want

2010-03-15T23:36:00.001+08:00

why do you have to be so fuck sexy?

to marry you. *sighs

asdfghjk

2010-03-15T23:02:00.002+08:00

i've been so angry towards everything lately.
it's like i'm bottling everything inside and it's so full. it's about to burst any second now.

if it's not anger then probably deep hatred or disgust.

i'm so angry.
i'm so mad
i'm so scared
i'm so so annoyed
and i'm so tired.

it's bashing time

2010-03-15T01:33:00.001+08:00

lancau son of a bitch fuck fuck asshole what an asshole so irresponsible grow up

yeahs

2010-03-14T13:14:00.002+08:00

So baby, stop saying that i'm acting as if i don't love you.

when the truth is, i do

it's just that i'm just so numb in it.

devils

2010-03-13T02:58:00.002+08:00

Those words are ringing painfully in my ear.
Everything seems unclear now.

we're trouble now.

2010-03-12T21:22:00.004+08:00

'we may be alot of things.
but we are never heartless'

hatred is a whole different thing.
but then again, nothing is ending here.

whoo. had one hell of a day.
went to school today. i don't even know why i went to school.
even hanan didn't show up.
cause it was so boring and teacher hardly teaches anything.
-.-

speaking of school, i am proud to say that i am very happy of my result *grin.
hahahhaha, well it is march test.
i mean, not A+ good. but i'm happy towards my maths and science marks.
i didn't expect that at all since i am sucky at maths.
and i hated it since i was in primary school.
so yes ((:

after school, daddy took mommy bella and me out.
he said we were just going to the bank and have lunch nearby.
i was so tired that i slept like a baby in the car.
and when i woke up, i found myself in KL already.
so much for nearby -.-
we met up with auntie rina and uncle omar.
had lunch at Hilton.

since i was the babysitter.
i am soooooooooooooooooooo tired.
god, bella is so active.
what did we fed her -.-

i don't think i have enough energy to entertain azim samir and fikri later.
hahhaha.

anyway, there's guests downstairs.
so boii (:

delusional, that's why.

2010-03-10T22:06:00.006+08:00

hi.
i hate posting this but honestly i think you really really just need to know this and stuff all of this in, in that small little brain of yours (:

look around you honey.
everybody has moved on.
just you.
just you left alone behind to die.
hahahhaha

how do i make this more obvious.
hmm
i don't not like, love, care, or any other word that exist in a dictionary that explain something like, ' i don't have a problem with you' or ' okay lh, like you lh' or 'i secretly like you, adore you etc etc'

NO.

yes, a very strong no. when your name pops out in a conversation or your face comes out in some celah corner mana tah, nothing sweet nor 'normal' comes out in mind. so please stop soul searching like for example, you're telling your small group of friend of what a bitch i am or how i am wrong and you are right.
cause when i actually briefly thought it through, i realized i don't give no shit about you.
i don't really care if i'm wrong. i mean, i might feel guilty about it for awhile but hey, that's something i'll take and never look back.

you're so busy calling me a bitch.
honestly, if you think this is bitch material. you havent seen nothing yet.
i'll bring you a bitch (:

you hate me so much right.
then stop stalking me.
start acting like you really really hate me.
hahaha okay?

stop staring at me or my friends like you want a fight
cause if you do.
i'll bring you one (:

you're sicken and you're literally like a disease.
stop searching for answers and reasons and pointing out fingers at people.
cause what truly matter is that,
we just don't like you.
(well, it's more than that but i'm just trying to be polite)
:))

i'm posting this, because from what i heard.
it seems that you're still talking about it
like as if you're not over us.
awwww hahahha
if what i'm hearing is wrong or that i am wrong, then...

haha really, that's not my problem.
it's obvious enough that it is true if you're reading this.
hahahahha!
but anyway, if people are making up stories about this then the conclusion is, you must have one lousy group of people that you bitched to, about me.
cause they seems to bitch about you back and tell on you.
ehehhe
so under whatever circumstances, it will never be my fault to say this.

and whatever it is, just think it something for you to know and live with.
mm kay? ahhaha :)

but from what i see it and others sees it too, you make a fantastic job in making all of us think that it is true.
and also a fantastic job in making yourself look incredibly humiliated and a fool.
so please, leave us alone.
hahah

(:

Eye- candy

2010-03-09T17:36:00.002+08:00

*melts.

toys

2010-03-09T12:31:00.002+08:00

Remember this really really cute baby?
hahahha.
well, she's a monster now.
yes, that is Bella. my sister -.-

fall dead

2010-03-06T19:05:00.004+08:00

it's only 7pm

and i'm tired like fuck.

thanks to azim samir fikri for playing monopoly and smoking harvest on bong last night.

haha samir got so hyper after that.

just when they left at 3am +

senna and azim got hungry.

obviously i was the maid.

i ended up sleeping at 5 after watching Spanglish with azim

-.-

eda texted me during tuition today,

inviting me to have late lunch with her and hanan and also samir.

but due to the excessive stay ups and lack of rest.

i was too tired to go anywhere

and mommy was too lazy to send me.

so i'd rather lazying off in bed doing absolutely nothing.

hee

sex on the beatchhhhhhh

2010-03-04T21:35:00.006+08:00

i'm not attending school tomorrow.

really, i don't think i can afford waking up early tomorrow.

therefore, i forfeited any thought of attending anything tomorrow.

azim said he's coming later. planning on spending sometime with me.

so probably it's going to be a long night run again.

and fikri and samir are definately coming to lepak along.

hhaha -.-

my weekend is going to be bloody tiring.

so many plans already.

peeenaaattttt

really? wow

2010-03-03T20:17:00.006+08:00

you might leave with all your pride feeling.

and really, that's okay. take whatever you think is yours.

i'm leaving with grudges.

but yet i'll be yawning.

this is not anger.

probably, the side effect of frustrations after seeing all the things i build, falls down and walk away.

no, i'm not talking about you.

but the people that i stood up for when you let them down.

and yet, look who left.

they're the people that truly matter and the reason of all frustration.

cause maybe, just maybe.

i saw it coming from you

i'm not resenting.

honestly, i'm just lazy.

lazy to be good towards everything.

maybe just my boyfriend, teah hanim faisal hafiz raja icha fikri fahim

but yet again, i'm never too sure.

well, i'm off doing my science.

damnit, i want to sleep -.-

"Hilang Kawan Tak Mati"

- Daniel Boxer.

you

2010-02-27T01:35:00.004+08:00

The key to serenity is to just simply ignore.

When assholes write shit on you online. Ignore. When people talk shit about you. Ignore. When idiots act like they’re all that. Ignore. When people make false assumptions about you. Ignore. When people completely lupa kawan. Ignore. When girls get into the whole I can’t talk to you cause I’m with my new group. Ignore. When people you care about (and only if you care) take advantage of you. Ignore. When people piss you off. Ignore. When all fails. Just ignore.

well said, adapt from ldsilva.

rather than layan these dumbfuck people. i rather order room service and then go to bed and enjoy my day tomorrow. i should be enjoying my good life with great family, great friends and everything else that goes. so why waste?

*smug

2010-02-26T19:43:00.003+08:00

i'm currently blogging from G Hotel, Penang.
eventhough this holiday is brief.
but damnit, i'm grateful enough to enjoy every second of it.

i couldnt wait to get into our bikinis and shop like there's no tommorrow.
hahahah

this is the life.

oh yes baby, you are missed :p

rush

2010-02-20T03:52:00.000+08:00

I was with my baby the whole night today.
We miss each other so much.
We couldn't stop kissing and hugging each other.
You could barf if you want to but we just couldn't give a shit
Heehhe

I'm just settling for bed and he is probably reaching Genting now.
Decided not to go cause I'd rather sleep my ass off tonight.

So, night bitches.

no need to look no more.

2010-02-18T18:24:00.002+08:00

friends are not supposed to hurt one another.

i've learned that.

that's all i got to say about it.

waiting as my heart drops.

2010-02-18T18:16:00.004+08:00

i'm in a better place now.

getting rid of everything that's just giving me a big headache.

people who loves you, should just make you happy right?

god, i love adele for explaining exactly how i feel in her lyrics.

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace,

To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years,

To make you feel my love.

I love you Azim Kasim.

thank you for making everything right again.

you always give me what i want.

get a hold of yourself.

2010-02-08T20:36:00.002+08:00

i can't stand girls who are so incredibly dumb that they hogged around other people's boyfriend. when they are fully aware that he is obviously taken.

no no, i'm not talking about the dumbfuck girls who flirts around and actually score on this dumbfuck men.

i'm talking on the rejected one.

ones that try so hard and yet don't really get the message that they're rejected.

-.-

so people, go on and see the slut that's been annoying the fuck out of me by somehow somewhat trying to get a reach of my boyfriend through his phone and facebook.

dumbfuck.

hello, you've just riped someone's heart today!

2010-01-29T23:31:00.006+08:00

i'm so disgusted by you right now.
i don't think i can even look at your face.
wait, let me rephrase that.
i literally can't look at your face right now.

you're a changed person.
and not even a good way.
i don't know you anymore.
and seriously, i don't want to if you are going to be this way.

i'm in a point where i'm so lazy to even try and be a good friend anymore
cause, you've pissed me off.
bad move.

you went too far, man.
whatever, i guess i have better things to do.

but congratulation, my complete respect towards you that you've build so hard to earn it.
has just completely, gone down the drain.
so if you're trying to build it back.
good luck, it won't be an easy one.

but hey, i'm not expecting you to.

i'm not here to bitch about anyone.
i'm writing what i feel and what i think.
but then again, it shouldn't be a problem for you anymore right.
since what i think nor what i feel, means anything anymore.

i'm usually the type of person who confront and talk to people that i feel worth doing so.
but seriously, i don't at all feel that way.
you can't blame me, cause i've done that 456899545675457 times.
so fuck this.

i'm going to be a cold heartless bitch for this one.
cause i've tried too much.
what a waste of time and saliva.

blah

2010-01-26T19:06:00.003+08:00

i've just realized something so straight-forward that it could've just been poking me in the eye all this time yet i'm so blind to not even see it in the first place.

people are so pathetic.
they're so full with drama.

i feel like walking up to them, and giving them like a big slap.
for being so gedik to make everything a big of a deal.
-.-

whatever. i want to eat my nasi goreng now.
:D

trafaluc

2010-01-26T14:01:00.002+08:00

the more irresponsible you're being.
the more you're driving me away.

so seriously, tafak.
grow up.

rockets

2010-01-20T01:19:00.004+08:00

FUCK FUCK FUCK

she's technically, my definition of hot.

period.

O.O

studded hearts

2010-01-18T18:33:00.006+08:00

we look so goddamn happy here. like aww :D

oh, from the left. auntie ninie, eda, my mommy, baby bella and azim.

i had a good monday today, and one roller coaster weekend.

things was shit at first. alot has been running around at home.

so there's alot of those moment, where's it's so messed up.

but things got better when daddy was back at home after a week.

and drag all of our sorry ass to pavillion

and spoilt us like mad. aehehehhehahhahahohohihih

i was satisfied to say that i took nice things home from zara and cotton on. hohohohohoh

moving on, school was great. i sat beside samir so yeah.

we bitched about people and he'll make his crack jokes.

0.0

i am still feeling annoyed.

nothing that important or whatsoever

so still, annoyed like AWHMAIGAWD.

yes like that gedik.

ahah

i mean, like all these people who are already form 4s and form 3s.

but have no courtesy to fully develop their brain.

like seriously, having a wannabe is flattering but it gets annoying after awhile.

but hey thanks.

i'm so tired with people that are constantly contradicting themselves.

i'm so tired of people who uses me for their own benefit.

like i know you're all insecure and shit.

and you probably cry yourself to sleep at night

but come on.

i'm tired of people who bring unnecessary drama into my life

people who piss me off

and yes people who have no balls to say stuff to my face.

or even have the balls to stand up for themselves.

sickening people, really.

-.-

i should go do my sejarah now

and i am currently having this massive nafsu for famous amos cookies.

thanks to hafiz for reminding me over and over again.

hahahhaha :p

bite me

2010-01-15T00:20:00.004+08:00

the funniest thing happened in pj class today
i sat with farina
damnit, that bitch is funny.
hahahahhahha

farina : you know i've just realized something even more pathetic about her.
me : what?
farina : to come and think about it, she don't really have friends.
me : HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
farina : like seriously, ahhahahahahahhhaha.

kay i was bored.
hahaha byee
mwah

c'est tout ce que j'aime

2009-12-29T17:41:00.005+08:00

i find her, very attractive 0.0

my day was awfully dull today.

eda is at damansara, doing god knows what with her party people.

-.-

hanan is out too, if i'm not mistaken.

i was supposed to meet azim up.

but then i got too lazy to get all dress up.

so i decided to just stay home today

plus, i should just save all the money

and blow it off on the new year eve's party.

hahahahhahaha

damnit, i can't wait.

i heard, everybody's going to party like mad.

i'm heading Curve on that night. party it off at Laundry and Library.

is it just me?

or clubs are creating names, that's just ridiculous? -.-

like, my mom asked where i'm celebrating my new year at.

and i'd say Library.

she gave me a smile and a big kiss on the forehead.

when i told her, what it really was.

she couldnt stop laughing after that.

-.-

anyways, i've done nothing beneficial during my 2months holiday.

hahahahha

all i do is eat sleep and repeat

hahhahaha

not fully true, but close enough.

kay, blogging is getting boring

i better find something to chew.

bye!

playing god.

2009-12-23T04:02:00.008+08:00

you don't have to believe me.
but the way I see it.
next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back
and break it, break it off.
next time you point a finger I'll point you to the mirror.

it's just my humble opinion but it's one I believe in.
you don't deserve a point of view.
if the only thing you see is you.

i'm half as good as it gets.
without a hit of regret, I'll hold you to it.

p/s: oh if anyone sees my baby.
please tell him that i miss him.
cause he's still wondering off in town.

I'm keeping you as little as possible

2009-12-18T02:09:00.003+08:00

hi there my neglected blog.

i've missed you.

my house is currently fill with roses, white-bedding, expensive muffins and cakes, amazing chandelier that might just burn your eyes, pretty flower pettles, white duvets, fresh incredible flowers.
and of coures, everything else that goes.
auntie titie's wedding is tomorrow. well, i mean later -.-
it's 2am and there are still people that i don't even know, still busy preparing flowers by the staircase.
this surrounding doesnt make me somewhat happy, somehow.
i mean, yes. i am so very happy for my auntie.
but the setting, the flowers, and how recently my room has turned in the bride's room. so like fuck it kinda brings the sad mood on.
like this is going to sound so fucking cheesy but wedding makes me sob, a little.
so technically.
i'm currently blogging from my very display, very beautiful, very off white bedroom.
everything is so glittery.
it's kinda annoying -.-

i'm so busy with everything lately.
i don't even have the time to just sit back, and think.
like how i like.
well, Azim's back from Australia like three days ago.
i really did somehow, miss him. i guess.
i pray so hard, then when he's there. far away from me.
that he'll somehow learn and change.
but i don't know.
i don't want to count on it so much.
too terrified that he might let me down again
but then again i'm so eagerly hoping that he might just see it.

fuck the thought of this.
just now leaves me blank and my whole blogging spirit just dissapear.
heh

well, i better get some sleep anyway.
alot of work to do tomorrow.

mwah ♥

cause i'm the shhiieeet

2009-12-13T18:47:00.000+08:00

I am currently grateful and happy towards everything that's going on with my life.
Life's good (:

Somehow, you are still missed.
Sometimes.

crack

2009-12-12T03:05:00.003+08:00

hahhaha what you staring at.

don't blame me.

i was born with all this shit.

HAHAHHAHA

eh fuck, i miss my baby Sara, Arina, Ilisa, Hanan and Eda.

i need a girls day out.

hahahah

spare me.

2009-12-12T00:33:00.002+08:00

the things you don't know could really go a 'long' way.

heh.

you think i'm afraid now?

2009-12-10T01:49:00.003+08:00

i'm just too goddamn sick and tired when people tend to say what they want to say.

to be frank. all this people, keep on assuming things that they don't even know without any disregard about themselves and their own personal thoughts.

it's getting dumb by each second.

come on, think about it.

it's literally like mind poisoning. hahaha

oh on the other position.

please take a reality check people.

if there's too many people hating/dislike/talking behind your back etc etc, then they must be something that is so wrong about you.

because all those people who are there, are there for a bloody reason

it's called, self-reflect you asshole.

but what's sad about all this people, they walk proud and claim to think that they are all right about everything.

and telling everybody about it, with no shame at all that what they're saying has no wrong doing on themselves.

look how incredibly arrogant they are.

but the victim among them all, is the person who listen and believing everything without consideration towards exploring the other side of the story.

it's absurd.

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying as if i'm all perfect and all right about it.

i'll strive to do whatever it is that has to be done, to not be those disgusting people that i've just described.

i've made my wrong doing, i've done some things that i'm not proud of and many wrong decisions.

but at least, the difference between me and you is that, I actually know what i'm doing wrong.

and i have the bloody motherfucking decency to feel at least the slight guilt about it before i go to bed.

feeling guilty of what a person i am.

but those people just maybe has no self-respect.

i'm honestly losing all my fucking patience.

and it actually made me wonder, really.

to people that are actually reading my dumbass blog, please don't be so self-conscious that this is about anybody or anyone at all.

it's my personal space and i'm just writing what i think.

so please, grow up.

ehehhe :D

brick by boring brick

2009-12-09T03:08:00.001+08:00

better shattered now then never.

it's 6364km away.

2009-12-07T15:52:00.000+08:00

I'm a very happy vampire right now.
Hhahaha.

Thanks to my baby eda, faid, akim and my new immortal friend.

:)

everything is so dark, right now.

2009-12-05T18:32:00.002+08:00

i know that i'll be okay.
but somehow, i still don't know why i'm holding myself back.
the pain is slowly blacking me out again.

i'm glad that you're going to be far far away from me for 10 long days.
so you won't have to see what a mess i've become.

shits

2009-12-03T05:14:00.002+08:00

thanks for making me feel as if i'm the only one thats trying.

why the fuck would you do something like that?

2009-11-28T17:39:00.003+08:00

after all the bloody traumatic problem after problem.

throughout all the shits.

ups and downs.

I AM STILL FUCKING HERE.

it didn't matter how bad things got.

or how close i am to just completely breaking down.

like completely letting go all my guards down.

everything that i build.

everything that i work for in this shit

everything that i expected from you

EVERYFUCKINGTHING.

frankly, i thought to myself how bloody goddamn easy is it for me to just let go and not be with it anymore.

but no, because i am known to followed all my dumbfuck feelings.

i stood proud next to you

i lay beside you, with all this love shit feelings surround us.

for all that, i stayed.

and i'm still here.

all i ever wanted is you.

all i ever wanted is for you to let me in, in all of your situation and problems.

oh my.

2009-11-06T04:15:00.002+08:00

to all of my love ones.
thank you so much for all the birthday wishes.
i haven't had credit to reply and there were too many of them.
i'll reply as soon as possible.

thanks to baby for a great night.
and to everyone who was at euphoria tonight.
god, i love you.
♥

damnit, i'm tired.
ehehe
oh and not forgetting.
my beautiful parents.
i couldn't ask for anything more.
thanks for the present and the very much, tolerence to sent me to euphoria themselves.
and also picking me up.
i love the fact that i have an on-going very steady,open relationship with my mom.
hahahahhahahahaha.

sorry, i got no photos.
i was having too much fun.
ehehe

bada bing

2009-11-03T16:28:00.003+08:00

you are all bark and no bite.
you talk like you're all big.
but come to think about it, you started the whole bitching people through blog and shit.
i'm just entertaining myself by just going with the flow.
it's really sad to have find out, that i'm causing such a big disturbance in your life or as you say, pain in the ass.
hahaha.
but it does not matter.
action speaks louder than words.
you want to be real mature about this.
then at least, have the decency to solve this straight to my face.
rather than bitching about me to your laptop and your friends.
i'm making things so easy and none of complications.
cause i'm not even looking for a fight.
just.
like you said.
let's be all mature.
hahhahaha.

meet me up, call me.
when you're all grown.
i'm satisfied enough to say that i've actually did my part.
i actually entertain this by going to you and actually have an inch of courtesy to solve this.
but if i don't see the effort for you saying all your 6 paragraphs words (or is it more?) to my face and have the courtesy to solve this like adults.
then so much for you being all mature, right?
okay honey.
we'll watch and see.
again, i have no rush of anger running through my vains, no tears in my eyes.
just a yawn and a growl in my stomach.
i better go eat.

oh, by the way.
i miss you azim.
and you too, eda.
damn.
:D

sickening people

2009-10-28T18:30:00.005+08:00

it's honestly pleasuring watching you 'hurt' me

it's so pointless.

it's actually entertaining

hahahaa, sorry lh aku tk selalu keep tab pasal kau

sorry ah

i'm not obsessed like you are kan.

hahahha

i had to found out about this pathetic bitch by some friend calling me, telling me all about it.

we talked how, lame and pathetic this girl was for like 5 minutes.

then we got over it.

i decided to let everything go next year.

kau tu, setakat dh tumbuh tetek.

dh budget matured ah

apa bodoh kau nie.

hahahahhaa

for half a second, i did thought of many ways of sabotaging this bitch down.

things that i can actually do and made it happen

however, i came back to my senses when i realized she's not up to any standards to even worth, sabotaging.

ahhahahaha

also

i just decided.

to go on with my life.

hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahha

but then we'll never know right.

i might just actually changed my mind for entertaining purposes.

hahaha

if you actually have any self-respect left.

i highly doubt you don't anymore.

but might as well say this

grow up bitch.

hahha

but don't worry, i know this girl won't stop proving to us the level of stupidity that she has to deal with .

so i'm expecting something in return.

so you can go on with your lousy words.

i'll end mine, here.

i'm writing this post with a yawn.

p/s: me and my boyfriend are better than ever.

thank you for your endless concern.

ehehhehe

it's over

2009-10-21T14:52:00.004+08:00

i feel like this bigg anger flowing through my everything right now.
i want so badly to let this go
i just,
don't wanna feel this way
i just wanna be happy again
i want things to be like the old way again
im angry and i cant show it
im sad and i cant talk about it
i feel unappreciated and i cant do anything about it
im confused and pratically lost my way right now.
im so frustrated i could just blow my head off
i dont know where i am
i dont know what's right or what's wrong anymore
i now, can't tell the difference anymore

die

2009-10-19T21:34:00.001+08:00

i need to rest my head

crying is giving me a headache.

you

2009-10-08T05:20:00.006+08:00

it's 5:12 am.

and i'm still up

he's going to be so mad if he knows this.

baby

i know we've been arguing

fighting

contemplating

and trying so hard to make things work

and i know i have not make things easy for you

i feel this urge to just say whatever is on my mind right now.

to be frank, this feeling that i put forth for you, this whole degree of respect i sees in you, and how you gave me this love shit a whole new meaning

and without you even knowing it

how deeply i care for you

that sometimes,

it hurts

beyond words.

sometimes you do things.

things that you don't even know how deeply it hurts me sometimes.

like how you beautifully speak and then sound arrogant about it later

how you're easily forgetting me sometimes

or how you say things and don't mean it

or when you promised me something but never really put action into it

or how you stare at me when you're mad.

eyes, full of anger.

your words, goes without thinking

and how after that i would just shattered into million pieces.

fuck, i'm way too fragile for this.

it still amazes me what a powerful influence you have towards me

it's completely beyond my control now.

you'll never know how incredibly useless i feel when i'm standing beside you

cause that's when my body feels so completely empty

since i've given everything at that precise moment.

ah shit.

i swear,

i swear, i really tried my very best to not make this blog sound cheesy

he he he

posted

2009-10-07T02:31:00.007+08:00

i would technically give my all to sleep with Nate Archibald and Chuck Bass

O.O

well anyways

i've noticed

how annoying it is that all of my recent blog has been completely depressing -.-

but i'm through it now

i'm done fighting

contemplating

arguing

and being confused about everything

he said, he'll do anything to keep me

so i should just stop worrying and how i'm constantly thinking

that i could almost swore i could feel blood was about to come out from my ear

aahhha

ok, i watched too much trueblood.

-.-

anyway, because when i actually do all of those things

i would just automatically stop embracing the greatness for being here in the first place

and by not even realizing it

i forgot the main reason why i'm here with him

simply, cause i love him

love him for who he is

and who he wants to be

so i might as well just let

everything go

mommy said, everything comes and go

so i'm prepared

but then, i hate jinx-ing it

it's getting late but

i honestly couldn't sleep

my skin is getting so dry lately

thanks to all the sleepless night and lack of water drinking

pppuukkkkkkiiii

oh i am still currently sick.

yes, still am

i hate this

it's fucking annoying

okay i better get to sleep

this blog is getting crappy

hahahha

mwah.

♥

i'm such a mess

2009-10-06T20:03:00.002+08:00

you're in my mind
you're in my heart
i wish i knew right from the start
you break my heart
you break my heart

i feel like crying
just wanna die

Heartbreaker by John Legend ft Mstrkrft

he said i'll love you forever

2009-10-06T15:31:00.003+08:00

i feel completely out of place today
there's this waves of pain
just trying really hard to take over me again
anytime now

treat me right

2009-10-04T15:10:00.003+08:00

i am currently sick

i hate this

i hate that i feel like i'm about to have a fever

i hate the thought that i have to swallow this syrup medicine later that honestly just taste like urine

-.-

i hate having such weak immune system

i hate that i right now, have no one to talk to

i hate the fact that he's not going to be there for me

i hate that i can't go to teah's openhouse simply because i am sick

i hate that i'm stuck here, thinking. thinking about things i do not want to think about.

i hate this feeling

ah, i seem to hate everything when i'm sick

ah shit, my stomach is cramping again

i'm in so much pain

can fucking die woo cibai O.O

the *boyfriend is currently

well probably with his friends right now

i feel so completely annoyed

and mad

and sad

and dissapointed

and sick

and hate

and so so so so angry with him right now

but it's okay

it's alright

i'm okay

i'm so mad that i'm not going to do anything about it

i'm just going to sit here and let him do whatever he wants.

and i'll just accept it

like i always do

heh, fuck fuck

i've been incredibly boring lately

that i make no time at all to take any whatsoever pictures for the past few weeks

so i'm not bothered

hahhaha -.-

ignorance

2009-10-04T00:35:00.006+08:00

hello, my abandoned blog.

i miss you.

i currently feel like i've been ran over by a truck.

but it's okay

i'm going to be okay

im going to be okay

i'm going to be okay.

anyway

will update soon.

byeee

0.0

2009-09-25T23:11:00.002+08:00

fuck fuck fuck
pukifuckingmak
bitch bitch

kay, as my mother taught me, cursing and crying and crawling up like a baby doesn't help
but i feel so disgusted by everything
right now
i could've just curl up and die.

im not in the mood to talk about it anyway
soon maybe
bye

OUH THANKSSSSS B!!!!
:(

because your real life is tragic.

2009-09-23T16:11:00.005+08:00

hi loves,

well, i am currently away and busy with raya season.

hahahhahaa

i'm in auntie ninie's and titie's house right now.

i probably have like

5 seconds.

before they found out i've invaded their macbook.

hahahaha

i'm missing my baby so so much

and

eda, teha, akim

etc etc.

hahahah

byee

♥

a year ago, i lost something close to my heart

2009-09-14T04:27:00.002+08:00

this is going to sound completely insane

but it's 4.28am and i just can't go to sleep

and i just have to let this go

i feel so insanely inspired right now

i hate it

i've been dreaming about the ex alot lately

it's crazy

i mean it's too constantly

okay, not in a way that i want him back or anything.

just that

i feel like as if, something is trying to tell me that i should just let everything go.

and say things that i never really had a chance to say

not that i'm saying, i'm not happy where i am.

trust me, i'm in full ecstasy for being right where i am.

it's just that

i hate the fact that i left things for what i said and do.

anyway, we used to be so incredibly right together

eventho we are completely different

so completely.

heh

he was like the adult,

where he would think hard about what's coming in the future and what's right infront

for i'll be the kid

where i would do nothing but worry of losing him

i completely followed my feelings and i just didn't care

so when everything was just about to end

this bitched feeling where i felt like as if i would be better off dying

just wouldn't go away

it was the longest 7 months of my life

i guess the main reason for me to be here is just that

by doing this, by saying all this

from now on, i am completely free from reminding you as for all the regret, pain and hurt that i've ever felt from you

and by that, you will now only be something i highly respect and care about.

even when you make it hard for me to show it

so i won't.

you know who you are.

as i'm here missing you

2009-09-12T11:52:00.005+08:00

this heart
it beats
beats for only you
my heart is yours

i want to

2009-09-11T01:55:00.005+08:00

sleep with angelina jolie.

i'm not fucking you

hi again,

i feel like a complete moron now

eda is going to kill me for being this lame

but since i can't talk to you

cause you're obviously sleeping at this hour

or maybe not

but as you know that i am fucking broke therefore i don't have the money to topup and so, i can't call you right now

and the mother is being so bloody strict about me using her phone now since

her last month bill shot off like mad rockets

hehehe

but i feel very not worthy right now

very anna nicole smith

the way i've been treating people lately has been completely unreasonable

well, towards people who doesn't deserves them i mean

towards them who i actually gives a shit

so when you're feeling that i'm not being ridiculously nice to you

then honestly, something has to be wrong with you.

hahhehehe

i technically, have the

sweetest boyfriend ever :)))

i could have just die for knowing that fact

har har har hehehehohohihih

so at a certain point, i feel like i'm not returning the favor

not that he or anybody asked for it

just the fact that when people are being so bloody nice

i have this guilty-conscious that i somehow have to do better

okay

that's lame

but that's how i feel

like how akim has always been there

i have been feeling this terrible guilt that i am not there as much as he is for me

and i know that with everything that's going on with me right now

the decency for me to be there for everybody that i care about has been a completely hard task to do

but it's not as if i don't try

so it doesn't matter how reckless this is going to sound

but they should that

i do try

so when every time it comes to point where it got all completely messed up

the waves of guilt

starts to over flowing towards me again

like as it's attacking me and purposely left me alone

to die

the feeling of regret is completely lousy
i feel like a complete asshole when it comes to this

but rather than sitting here and not do anything about it
i would be now more considerate for others.
to start things off
i better get my sorry ass to sleep
so i wouldn't look like shit tomorrow morning
and be a nice person, and actually get my ass to school tomorrow
unlike today when i decided to get so goddamn lazy towards everything
by waking up at 330 and took my first bathe for the day
at 930pm O.O
har har har

so i shall see my friends tomorrow, be completely grateful what's right infront of me
and give azim a kiss on the cheek first thing tomorrow morning.
heee hehehe

(((:

till then lovers,
mwah.

ah mah kah chow hai

2009-09-09T23:25:00.004+08:00

H.S,
i do not give you the respect that you expect from me
simply because i feel that you don't deserve it

i know how i am and i know how i treat you
and that's fine, okay maybe it isn't but at least i know what i'm doing wrong
but you on the other hand, are just oblivious towards your own actions

you're just lucky i'm being incredibly mature about this.
but then again
i have my limits.

learn the meaning of respect
bitch

*your intial are right on top, you should know who you are

i feel so

2009-09-09T18:38:00.000+08:00

angry right now.
so so angry
eventho i know i'm simply not going to do anything about it
because i'm just too goddamn lazy to confront,fix or even point out who's a bitch right now and what's bitching everything.
heh not that i'm actually bothered by it
just the fact that some of this shithead no brainer has no decency to even sit down and think for what's really their fault.
okay,i get it.
i am flawed therefore i do have mistakes.
but at least i have the courtesy to say it and be at least be mature about it
i mean it'll be just fucking sweet if you know your part too.

and again, don't be a slut.
none of the above is for anyone in particular
just something i have in mind.

ANYWAY!
i had a pretty fucked day.
i mean, i've been better
okay no
i take that back.
before going back home from school
met hakim and all of them
we did our usual routine
we bitched about people that we just think should fucking die.
hahahahhahahaha
that was alot of fun

well, the rush of adrenaline watching somebody's face went flat was

honestly, great.
jyeah.
haha

anyway,
auntie ninie's here.
i'd be going now.
probably next time.

loves loves.
mwah.

before dawn

2009-09-09T04:55:00.000+08:00

hi love,

i'm back with a blog.

i don't know why that i even try to. hahha

but some few-almost-lost-contact friends has been bugging me in msn, asking me to do a blog so they would feel updated with me.

don't see what's the point when i have such a dull life right now.

and i don't really have much to say that should be published or whatever -.-

but i feel like a jobless bitch and being online at this hour, when school starts less than 2 hours is not normal.

people has been asking me what i've been up to and what i've been doing

but to be absolutely frank

i've been absolutely nowhere

hahhaha

not that i'm about to complain how life sucks and everything,

i mean nothing has been going on or anything

in fact i'm in this turning point where everything is a balance.

i mean, i have great friends, great academic and a pretty on-going great love life.

nothing to complain about, right?

yes

then when i finally stopped embracing that greatness, i guess it just decided to stop

and leave me to die

heh,okay it doesn't have to sound that melodramatic but

i guess somehow it's starting to all fall apart a little

and it maybe even hurt a little?

i don't know

maybe everything is all in my head

keeping my head straight has always been a problem anyway.

-.-

with all the friends that i feel insecure and beginning to lose it's touch

and how i feel it's all fading away is incredibly uncomfortable

but we're cool now right.

i'm pulling it all together

getting my priority straight and everything

so we're cool,right.

but all the stuck up bitches and drama has been going on forever.

i guess that's something that'll always be there

whatever

not that i'm bothered enough to write about it in my blog or anything.

hahah ops.

moving on,

i feel a sense of relief now,

a sense of expressionless

and emotionless today

now that i feel everything is in place

everything that i cared about

everything that i put first

so in order

i feel so content i could've explode

well i'm going to go now

school starts soon, i got to get bathe

i've turned so lazy lately

i even wonder why i've been made,

a girl

eh ehh eheh

this whole goddamn blog sounds so cheesy

it tickles me

hehehe

till then,

big hug small hug big kisses small kisses